Hades Interview

In which, I fear for my life.

Hades sits opposite me. He is dressed in a tailored, black suit. He is perfect—not a hair out of  place. Impressive for someone with long, luscious locks. He also appears to be incredibly annoyed to be here.  

Interviewer: Thank you so much for joining me today, Lord Hades.  

Hades: *sits with his arms crossed, glaring* Thank Persephone. She…persuaded me.  

Interviewer: Of course. She’s so kind. 

Hades: Am I not kind? 

Interviewer: *stares* 

Hades: *stares* 

Interviewer: *clears throat* We’ll start with some background questions if that’s okay with you.  

Hades: *glares* 

Interviewer: How many siblings do you have? 

Hades: *glares* 

Interviewer: Um… *starts to feel slightly afraid for her life* Is…do…you not want to answer that question? 

Hades: *pauses for a long time before stating*  I do not need to answer it—you know how many siblings I have. 

Interviewer: *Feels blood draining from her face. She could argue that there are readers who  do NOT know, but decides that breathing a little longer is the best choice.*  Okay.  *fumbles with her list of questions* Um, of your siblings, which one are you closest with? 

Hades: I dislike them all. 

Interviewer: If you *had* to choose one? 

Hades: Hecate. 

Interviewer: Hecate isn’t your sister. 

Hades: *glares* 

Interviewer: *mumbles: there is a lot of glaring today.* Okay. N-nevermind. Moving on.

Interviewer: How is your relationship with your parents? 

Hades: My father is constantly tortured in Tartarus.  

Interviewer: And…your mother? 

Hades: Zeus keeps her.  

Interviewer: *eyes widen*  What does that mean? 

Hades: *shrugs* 

Interviewer: *Weird*  What about your childhood? 

Hades: *Jaw visibly tightens* I had no childhood. 

Interviewer: Because…? 

Hades: I was swallowed. By my father. 

Interviewer: And how was that? 

Hades: *raises a brow* 

Interviewer: *Thinks: Is that…amusement I see?* 

Hades: Dark.  

Interviewer: Alright, well, moving on. Tell us the story of how you became God of the  Underworld. 

Hades: There is no story.  

Interviewer: There is a story.  *I cannot believe I am arguing with the God of the Dead.* They say you drew lots.  

Hades: That is a rumor.  

Interviewer: Don’t you wish to set the record straight.  

Hades: No. 

Interviewer: *glares*  I’m telling Persephone. 

Hades: *narrows eyes*  Are you threatening me?

Interviewer: I am doing what Persephone told me to do. She said if you gave any trouble to let  her know. Would you want me to go against the word of your future queen?

Hades: *glares* I chose to rule the Underworld. 

Interviewer: Why? 

Hades: *grits teeth* Because. I was born into war. I saw death every day. Ruling the Underworld  would be no different, but at least being their king, I could…have control. 

Interviewer: *mouth open* That’s…kind of you. 

Hades: It wasn’t. 

Interviewer: *clears throat* Let’s move on. What do you feel is your greatest achievement? 

Hades: My…authority. 

Interviewer: R-really? 

Hades: *stares* 

Interviewer: What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you? 

Hades: You mean other than being swallowed by my father and born into a ten-year war? 

Interviewer: Okay, fair.  Tell us about your hobbies.  

Hades: *pulls out a flask* Drinking.  

Interviewer: Is that…a hobby? 

Hades: It is my hobby. 

Interviewer: Right. Of course, it is.  *mutters: alcoholic*  What made you decide Persephone was ‘the one.’ You’ve said that the Fates  wove her into your future, but you would have chosen her anyway, how can you  be sure? 

Hades: I am sure.  

Interviewer: *blinks* But…how? 

Hades: *takes a swig from his flask*  Let me be clear. 

Interviewer: *mutters*  That would be a first. 

Hades: *raises brow* I make no decisions based on my gut. No decision that isn’t derived from logic,  from evidence, from statistics, but I knew when I saw Persephone that we were  balance.  

Interviewer: *rolls eyes internally, thinking: that is such a Hades thing to say* Why are you obsessed with balance? 

Hades: *shrugs*  Humans and gods are flawed—to attempt to create a utopia would be folly. To  forego law would be chaos.  

Interviewer: Would the other gods agree? That they are flawed? 

Hades: They would agree that I am flawed.  

Interviewer: Okay, almost done. 

Hades: *mutters*  Thank gods.  

Interviewer: *glares* We’re going to play a game of this or that.  

Hades: *glares* 

Interviewer: Hermes or Apollo? 

Hades: That depends. 

Interviewer: You have to choose one. 

Hades: *stares* 

Interviewer: *sighs* Whatever, let’s just get this over with, Coffee or Tea? 

Hades: *drinks from flask* Whiskey. 

Interviewer: You are missing the point. 

Hades: Or you’re choosing the wrong questions.  

Interviewer: *glares* Cats or Dogs.  

Hades: Dogs.

Interviewer: Finally. Freedom or hope? 

Hades: Hope. 

Interviewer: Why? 

Hades: You are missing the point of this game. 

Interviewer: *glares and looks down at her questions.* Well, that was my last question so— 

Hades: *Vanishes* 

Interviewer: Jerk.

The End